why?

"They" say that after having a baby, everything "down there" just goes back to normal after a few weeks. Not for me. Not yet anyway. Kibuyu was born in a hurry, with forceps, because his heartrate was too low to endure any more labor. That didn't allow my body to stretch. Plus, he was 9 lbs 7 oz, with a 15 in head circumference. He essentially destroyed my crotch. I had 2 long tears down (or up?) the birth canal, which took a long time to stitch up, but are the least of my worries. I also tore through my perineal muscles, anal sphincters, and partially through my rectum. Not quite a textbook 4th degree, but much more extensive than a 3rd degree tear, so we're calling it 4th degree. The doctor put me back together again (it took an hour and a half), but I'm nowhere near back to normal yet.

She checked on me at 5 weeks postpartum, said it looked like I was healing well, and had me see another doctor at 8 weeks postpartum.

That doctor surprised me with a rectal ultrasound. He said that my muscles are back together but very, very weak. If I attempt another vaginal delivery (hypothetically, if I have another kid), I will probably tear worse and most likely have a lifetime of fecal incontinence, unless I go to physical therapy and work on strengthening these muscles.

I don't know anyone who's had pelvic floor physical therapy. I looked online and found very little information, and only a couple of brief personal experience stories.

My PT starts on Friday, and if it's interesting, I'll chronicle my journey here: my journey of getting "back to normal down there."